News Archive












Lard News

Study's A Load Of Lard

Saturday September 27, 2008
SO let's get this straight.

Odd Spot

Wednesday September 24, 2008
A large unidentified lump of a greasy substance that washed up on a New Zealand beach sparked a bizarre "gold rush" among locals after word got out that it could be ambergris - a valuable excretion from whales used to make perfume. It was later found to be lard.

If They're Not Too Fat They're Too Thin

Tuesday July 1, 2008
NO ONE would ever wish lard upon a celebrity's thighs, yet there comes a time when blubber may be the best gift of all for a superstar. Fresh from last week's expose of overly jowly types, the trash magazines are flexing their talons at those luminaries verging on vanishing altogether.

The Weight Is Over

Friday February 1, 2008

More Stick, Less Carrot Will Help Thin Out Tubbies

Saturday March 10, 2007
2007 is the International Year of Lard and throughout this year, the United Nations is drawing attention to the world's ongoing battle with fat

Biotherm Homme Launch The Bathers' Pavilion, Balmoral Beach

Sunday February 25, 2007
hitTom Williams could slather lard on his face and still look good. But the rest of us ugly blokes have to spend valuable beer money on skin-care products such as Biotherm Homme, which Williams promotes for French cosmetics giant L'Oreal.

If You Can't Beat Them, It's Worthwhile Joining Them

Sunday December 30, 2001
I DONNED the mask and snorkel, pulled on a pair of flippers and went for a dive at a foreshore in the harbour. The idea was to work off some Christmas lard and take a closer look at the fish life below.

Solution 120: Foolhardy

Tuesday May 16, 2000
ado day don door dory dray drool dry fad fado flood fold food foolhardy ford had hard hardly hardy hoard hod hold hood lad lady lard load lord old road rod rood yard

Mind Over Mesas

Saturday August 28, 1999
JENNIFER HEWETT braves energy vortexes and lard-free food on a journey into the spiritually uplifting Grand Canyon country. SO YOU'VE seen giant red rocks before. I have too. But I wasn't prepared for Sedona, Arizona. The name was nothing more than an interesting possibility on a map about two ho

Praise The Lard .. Err, Sorry I Mean The Lord

Friday March 5, 1999
In case you haven't heard my stomach growling, let me warn you I am on a diet. It is all part of a desperate plan to stop my butt making its annual migration south for the winter. If swearing off pretty much every food I love and struggling with the urge to beat to death tall, slim blondes se

Fat Chance He'll Play Santa Again

Sunday March 15, 1998
EVERY year Canterbury conduct a fat test for players at the start of pre-season training, and another one just before Christmas. The Bulldog with the most lard has to play Santa Claus at a party for the kids. "My teammates had me at 3-1 on to get the job," explained the most unfashiona

Crash Course In Hungarian

Tuesday December 2, 1997
A weekly guide to eating around the world in Sydney What Lard, onions, green peppers, sour cream and paprika, flavoured with meat. Hungarian food has been as untouched by dietary concerns, health scares and political correctness as it has been influenced by nomadic Gypsies, Turkish invaders an

The Unbearable Lightness Of Beer

Friday November 28, 1997
Long before The Offspring were playing huge stages around the world and attracting punk-rock teens, frontman Dexter Holland used to write to Jello Biafra of Dead Kennedys fame (now Lard) on a regular basis. "The Dead Kennedys were one of the bands that I really admired when we started The Offsp

Red-blooded Turn Vego

Sunday November 9, 1997
VEGETARIANS have always been cast as the limp-wristed, feeble-minded, pathetic little party-poopers of the great Australian way of life. As all good blokes and blokesses tear into their barbie steaks and snags and hog down lard-laden meat pies and, these days, as the trendiest nibble on beef carp

Animal Parts Spread Around School

Thursday October 16, 1997
Police and school authorities are hunting for the sick culprits who hoisted dead wallabies up a flagpole and scattered other animal parts around Bulli High School yesterday. The school grounds were littered with the remains of dog and cat carcasses, rotting fish guts, lard and faeces when shocked

Audi A6's Sound And Light Show

Friday February 28, 1997
Combining the maker's innovations with borrowed VW parts, the mid-sized luxury sedan lacks the lard of the model it replaces. By John Carey. Audi's old A6 was a bland, anonymous thing, lacking the bold signature looks of the BMW 5 Series or Mercedes-Benz E Class, its natural enemies. Painfully sl

Finally, The Poms Are The Write Stuff

Sunday January 8, 1995
MEMO: Harry Lard, sports editor, The London Daily Trumpet. From: Edgar Turnpike, cricket correspondent. Dear Harry, compliments of the season! Just received your rather gruff message. I trust that damned ulcer is not playing up again. Or is Leicester City still in the relegation zone? Anywa

An Old Plot Fails To Ignite

Saturday July 18, 1992
YOU know that even a satiric romance like this one has big problems when the audience spends most of the time on its collective knees beseeching the heroine not to have anything to do with the tedious, tub-of-lard hero. The premise of the new French film, La Discrete, is reasonable enough

Low Fat Kids

Thursday December 6, 1990
SO YOU want a low-fat kid? Every decent parent wants a low-fat kid, one whose bum doesn't flop up and down like a slab of lard. Such kids - those with the sagging backsides - are more numerous than they used to be and you don't need to study dry socio-medical statistics to believe it. Your eyes

Botham Blasts A Barracker

Saturday February 6, 1988
BRISBANE: After Richard Hadlee's recent blast, Ian Botham has now taken the long handle to Gabba barrackers. Botham's main target is "the big fat lump of lard who sits at the back of Clem Jones Stand" during Queensland's Shield matches. "The personal abuse he directs a